Sunday, October 25, 2009
35 and a new leaf
I turned 35 yesterday and was struck with the need to make some changes in my life. So I bought one of Ms. Single Mama's last silver leaf necklaces, and today I'm thinking hard about what those changes should be. Wish me luck.
Sunday, August 16, 2009
The candle at the end of the tunnel has turned into a lantern
Settlement conference several weeks ago. Got child support and visitation worked out. Still waiting for the final hearing. I doubt I have to tell you how forward I am looking to that day...
Sunday, June 14, 2009
A unique request
The boys decided last night that I need 4 arms so that I can do more things at one time...like scratch both of their backs at the same time. "Like General Grievous without the stabby things."
I'll get right on that.
I'll get right on that.
Saturday, June 13, 2009
The same, but different
LOL. Another update due.
Our June 10 court date was, you guess it, postponed. It's now set for July 1. I pretty much feel like I'm going to be married to S forever at this point.
Kids finished out school....L ended up with a C in Science, but I couldn't be happier, considering his previous grades. T and I have had some really good talks and has shown great signs of improving. Things are good with them.
My man and I are back together. We can't seem to stay apart for long.
My friend M got married recently (we lived together with all 4 of our boys when we separated from our husbands). This was initially very hard for me. Although my divorce is not final, I've been separated nearly 2 years, and have thought a lot about my relationship future. Sometimes I miss the family unit thing...and sometimes I revel in my singlemomdom. But I went through a bit of a funk when she told me she was getting married. I was/am so happy for her; she and her guy are a great couple...but my heart ached a little because all of a sudden I wanted to move forward too. I got over it pretty quickly, thankfully. I realized that I need to enjoy these relatively selfish days with my boys, where I rule the roost and can have fish sticks and noodles for dinner if that's what we want. Or watch WWE 3 times a week on the main TV. Or spend as much time on facebook as I wanna. Not such a bad life. :) For a little while, anyway.
Our June 10 court date was, you guess it, postponed. It's now set for July 1. I pretty much feel like I'm going to be married to S forever at this point.
Kids finished out school....L ended up with a C in Science, but I couldn't be happier, considering his previous grades. T and I have had some really good talks and has shown great signs of improving. Things are good with them.
My man and I are back together. We can't seem to stay apart for long.
My friend M got married recently (we lived together with all 4 of our boys when we separated from our husbands). This was initially very hard for me. Although my divorce is not final, I've been separated nearly 2 years, and have thought a lot about my relationship future. Sometimes I miss the family unit thing...and sometimes I revel in my singlemomdom. But I went through a bit of a funk when she told me she was getting married. I was/am so happy for her; she and her guy are a great couple...but my heart ached a little because all of a sudden I wanted to move forward too. I got over it pretty quickly, thankfully. I realized that I need to enjoy these relatively selfish days with my boys, where I rule the roost and can have fish sticks and noodles for dinner if that's what we want. Or watch WWE 3 times a week on the main TV. Or spend as much time on facebook as I wanna. Not such a bad life. :) For a little while, anyway.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Updates galore
I have been pretty slack about updating.
A lot of my focus went into preparing for court on April 22...only to have the case continued b/c S's lawyer had the stomach flu. EXTREMELY frustrating. S personally delivered the news to Mom and I, and I had to walk away before the red hot angry tears started flowing. He WILL NOT see me cry.
We rescheduled for June 10. This was good in that nothing changed. This was bad in that nothing changed. On a clearly happy note, L told me that night he was scared that things would change after court and that he liked things just the way they were. T had a meltdown a week ago wondering why he couldn't stay at his dad's overnight during the week. It was all I could do to bite my tongue, but I very carefully explained to him why, and he seemed content with that answer and hugged me.
Dyed and chopped off my hair. In the days before court, I decided I wanted a real new start (we were supposed to walk out of there DIVORCED), so I did what I had been agonizing over for months...I chose a haircolor and got crazy. I hadn't colored my hair since 1994, so it was quite a move for me. It's a reddish brown, but most importantly....NO MORE GRAYS. I had it cut, then cut again well above my shoulders. From boob length hair to slightly longer than chin length...I will admit the attention from it has been a real ego boost. A guy driving a forklift stopped me the day after as I walked into work; he opened his window and shouted, "I like your haircut," closed his window, and kept on trucking. Random as hell, but it made me smile the rest of the day. I think b/c I have ignored most beauty laws while I've been dealing with the kid stuff and custody issues, suddenly seeing me with make-up and done hair was like an Extreme Makeover reveal moment.
Ordered my own RSML t-shirt (a pink babydoll) and got new license plates (RSML-L&T). YAY!
L currently has an A in Science. This is a major victory b/c he failed the first 2 nine weeks and got a D in the 3rd 9 weeks. I couldn't be more proud. When his teacher called to tell me about his test grade (94/A, thank you very much), she also told me how much he has matured and settled down the past few months. It choked me up, and made all the tears, the anger, the sacrifice worth it. I'm sure some of it has to do with him just developing into a full blown tween, but I would like to think giving him consistency, structure, and discpline I can follow through with has attributed to it as well.
T still has his own set of issues. His guidance counselor put him in a divorced parents group and he hated every second of it. His goal was resist as much as possible so that he would be left alone. It of course, backfired. He also wants out of his gifted class, because "it's too hard." Telling him he wouldn't be in it if he couldn't do the work did no good. When he asked why he couldn't just be average, I tried explaining that average work would be hard if he was average, that that is how the education system functions. If he would use his little brain for good instead of evil, there is no telling what that little boy could accomplish. I worry about him for next year in 5th grade and then for the shock of middle school work, but we need to get through today and the next day before we can deal with all of that.
So there's the update. Oh, one more - my man and I broke up. Again. The reasons why are long and boring and complicated, so it's best to leave it at that.
A lot of my focus went into preparing for court on April 22...only to have the case continued b/c S's lawyer had the stomach flu. EXTREMELY frustrating. S personally delivered the news to Mom and I, and I had to walk away before the red hot angry tears started flowing. He WILL NOT see me cry.
We rescheduled for June 10. This was good in that nothing changed. This was bad in that nothing changed. On a clearly happy note, L told me that night he was scared that things would change after court and that he liked things just the way they were. T had a meltdown a week ago wondering why he couldn't stay at his dad's overnight during the week. It was all I could do to bite my tongue, but I very carefully explained to him why, and he seemed content with that answer and hugged me.
Dyed and chopped off my hair. In the days before court, I decided I wanted a real new start (we were supposed to walk out of there DIVORCED), so I did what I had been agonizing over for months...I chose a haircolor and got crazy. I hadn't colored my hair since 1994, so it was quite a move for me. It's a reddish brown, but most importantly....NO MORE GRAYS. I had it cut, then cut again well above my shoulders. From boob length hair to slightly longer than chin length...I will admit the attention from it has been a real ego boost. A guy driving a forklift stopped me the day after as I walked into work; he opened his window and shouted, "I like your haircut," closed his window, and kept on trucking. Random as hell, but it made me smile the rest of the day. I think b/c I have ignored most beauty laws while I've been dealing with the kid stuff and custody issues, suddenly seeing me with make-up and done hair was like an Extreme Makeover reveal moment.
Ordered my own RSML t-shirt (a pink babydoll) and got new license plates (RSML-L&T). YAY!
L currently has an A in Science. This is a major victory b/c he failed the first 2 nine weeks and got a D in the 3rd 9 weeks. I couldn't be more proud. When his teacher called to tell me about his test grade (94/A, thank you very much), she also told me how much he has matured and settled down the past few months. It choked me up, and made all the tears, the anger, the sacrifice worth it. I'm sure some of it has to do with him just developing into a full blown tween, but I would like to think giving him consistency, structure, and discpline I can follow through with has attributed to it as well.
T still has his own set of issues. His guidance counselor put him in a divorced parents group and he hated every second of it. His goal was resist as much as possible so that he would be left alone. It of course, backfired. He also wants out of his gifted class, because "it's too hard." Telling him he wouldn't be in it if he couldn't do the work did no good. When he asked why he couldn't just be average, I tried explaining that average work would be hard if he was average, that that is how the education system functions. If he would use his little brain for good instead of evil, there is no telling what that little boy could accomplish. I worry about him for next year in 5th grade and then for the shock of middle school work, but we need to get through today and the next day before we can deal with all of that.
So there's the update. Oh, one more - my man and I broke up. Again. The reasons why are long and boring and complicated, so it's best to leave it at that.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Spring Break
Feeling bereft. The boys are with their dad tonight, and are leaving tomorrow for a week in NC with their grandfather. I haven't been away from them for more than 3 or 4 days since I got custody. I know it isn't that long...but they are kind of what I do now, you know?
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Attitude adjustment
The boys and I have been to the Y several times this week, and maybe it's just coincidence, but the attitude change in them this past week has been remarkable. T actually gave L a Taco Bell cinnamon twist last night without being asked. He just put it in front of L. I nearly fell out of my chair in shock. T very rarely shares with L unless threatened. Also, they have been playing games together...which never happens. I don't know why, and I'm not sure I care, but I LOVE it. :) And I hope it lasts...at least a little while longer.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Color Me Mine
A few weeks ago, I met some of my girlyfriends at Color Me Mine...it's a paint your own pottery place...and knew I needed to bring L&T to paint. The boys and I went last Friday and had the BEST time. They chose to do ice cream bowls...It was amazing how into it they were, so focused and determined to make them perfect, in their own terms. We picked up the pieces last night.
T painted his bowl, predictably, green.
And L's was, again predictably, a mishmash of colors mixed together with no discernible pattern.
Exactly perfect for both of them. :)
I did a RSML mug, which I love.
It turned out much better than the ice cream bowl I made with my friends, that MM (my man!) had WAY too much fun laughing at.
I know what you're really thinking. Where can I get that supercool green tile and bar combo?
T painted his bowl, predictably, green.
And L's was, again predictably, a mishmash of colors mixed together with no discernible pattern.
Exactly perfect for both of them. :)
I did a RSML mug, which I love.
It turned out much better than the ice cream bowl I made with my friends, that MM (my man!) had WAY too much fun laughing at.
I know what you're really thinking. Where can I get that supercool green tile and bar combo?
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
New Y Members!
One of my New Year's Resolutions was to become more active with the boys. I had just quit smoking (YAY!!!) and wanted to keep up the healthy roll, so at the end of December, I stopped at the YMCA near our house just to check it out. A friend from high school I haven't seen in years greeted me and took me on a tour. I knew the boys would LOVE IT.
Once I found out how much it was, I thanked her for her time and told her maybe when our financial situation changed, I would come back. She suggested I apply for the Y's Open Doors Program. Basically, it's like financial assistance - a reduced monthly rate membership. I would have to submit bank records, paycheck stubs, and a short essay explaining why a YMCA membership would benefit our family. It took me a few weeks to put it all together, to swallow the pride to ask for that sort of help, even temporarily, but I turned in the application shortly after our court date in January.
I'm excited to report that I got the call today saying we have been approved for the program! We will be proud members of the Y starting this week. It will be great for all 3 of us...for me, to lose some of the weight I've picked up since I quit smoking, and for the boys to meet some new kids (no boys AT ALL in our apt complex) and exercise in a fun way (ie., not PE class). Good for our bodies and our souls.
Unexpected gifts like these give me hope for me and the boys, and for our futures.
Once I found out how much it was, I thanked her for her time and told her maybe when our financial situation changed, I would come back. She suggested I apply for the Y's Open Doors Program. Basically, it's like financial assistance - a reduced monthly rate membership. I would have to submit bank records, paycheck stubs, and a short essay explaining why a YMCA membership would benefit our family. It took me a few weeks to put it all together, to swallow the pride to ask for that sort of help, even temporarily, but I turned in the application shortly after our court date in January.
I'm excited to report that I got the call today saying we have been approved for the program! We will be proud members of the Y starting this week. It will be great for all 3 of us...for me, to lose some of the weight I've picked up since I quit smoking, and for the boys to meet some new kids (no boys AT ALL in our apt complex) and exercise in a fun way (ie., not PE class). Good for our bodies and our souls.
Unexpected gifts like these give me hope for me and the boys, and for our futures.
Monday, March 9, 2009
daffodils
Spotted some daffodils on the way into work this morning. Daffodils always make me smile. Renewal, hope, beauty...all that springtime crap.
When the boys and I get a townhouse/house, one of my first orders of business will be to plant some bulbs.
When the boys and I get a townhouse/house, one of my first orders of business will be to plant some bulbs.
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Rockin' out on a Sunday
Yay! T feels better....so today is housework catch-up day since we completely vegged yesterday. The boys are playing their WWE videogame while I do laundry, having done their chores already for the day. Earlier, we had some real WWE going on since our downstairs neighbor was at church, and therefore not home to hear the light fixtures on her ceiling shake and rattle. L said I was "awesome" for letting them do it but "boring" when I made them stop. It's hard to win them all.
Mom offered to watch them while I go to the grocery store, because we all know how much kids love that outing. She is also being generous enough to lend me some money for said groceries as this was my rent paycheck week...and I still haven't gotten any, shall we say, assistance from S.
I can hear them in the living room, goofing around. I love listening to the boys play together...they seem to have their own little language sometimes, and half of what they say is little boy silliness. But when they act like they might actually LIKE each other, all that grumping they do towards each other is easier to handle. It may go south at any moment, so I have to enjoy these moments when they come.
Mom offered to watch them while I go to the grocery store, because we all know how much kids love that outing. She is also being generous enough to lend me some money for said groceries as this was my rent paycheck week...and I still haven't gotten any, shall we say, assistance from S.
I can hear them in the living room, goofing around. I love listening to the boys play together...they seem to have their own little language sometimes, and half of what they say is little boy silliness. But when they act like they might actually LIKE each other, all that grumping they do towards each other is easier to handle. It may go south at any moment, so I have to enjoy these moments when they come.
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Sick Day
Today was a stay in your PJs day...poor T has had a terrible sore throat. It has been nice to have some downtime with him (he's such a cuddlebug when he doesn't feel well), but I feel bad that L missed out on such a beautiful day...On another upside, I have caught up on all the Must See Episodes of That's So Raven, The Suite Life of Zack and Cody, and Spongebob Squarepants. :)
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Odd Little Bird
I made the mistake of not immediately putting their sheets back on their beds after washing them, and the boys talked me into letting them sleep one night directly on their mattress pads, because "they are so soft and smooth." One day turned into a week, and tonight I attempted to put my foot down. T begged and pleaded with me not to put the fitted sheet on his bed...even broke out the Quivering Lip of Doom. I tried to explain to him that I could not have people (maintenance men, my mother, etc.) come over and see him sleeping like a hobo. After several minutes of explaining our cases, we came up with a solution:
No fitted sheet. He has the flat sheet on half the bed and his bedspread is neatly folded to the right. The bed can easily be made, and he has his green blanket to use. He was so happy that he got right into bed and fell asleep in just a few minutes.
In a few days, I'm hoping he won't notice when I put the bed the way it's supposed to be.
No fitted sheet. He has the flat sheet on half the bed and his bedspread is neatly folded to the right. The bed can easily be made, and he has his green blanket to use. He was so happy that he got right into bed and fell asleep in just a few minutes.In a few days, I'm hoping he won't notice when I put the bed the way it's supposed to be.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
And so it begins...
Being a Single Mom means sacrifice, determination, patience, and apparently, the stomach for watching WWE (maybe that last one just applies to me). We have awesome days and we have days that make us want to tear our hearts out of our chests so they can't hurt anymore. We have days where it seems like we have it all together and some that would have been better spent in bed. Some days we can't wait for Dad's day/weekend, other days we just want to hug our babies tight and never let them go.
I've been doing the Single Mom thing since October 2007. What's never changed for me, what's never wavered for a second is my love for those two little boys who call me Mom. And I'm so grateful for their love; it's what keeps me going everyday. A month ago, I was awarded primary custody (the ex-husband and I had been sharing custody up to that point) of my boys, so my role as Single Mom has expanded to full-time. Still waiting for it all to be official/final...visitation, child support, THE DIVORCE...but that story is not why we're here.
Single Moms need support & encouragement from other SMs. I've talked to many single moms recently and one of us almost always says, "I'm so glad I'm not the only one that feels like that/who has kids doing that/etc. We need to know there are others having the same sort of issues, the same challenges, and the same happy moments we have. We need to know there are others Rockin' the Single Mom Life. That's why we're here.
I've been doing the Single Mom thing since October 2007. What's never changed for me, what's never wavered for a second is my love for those two little boys who call me Mom. And I'm so grateful for their love; it's what keeps me going everyday. A month ago, I was awarded primary custody (the ex-husband and I had been sharing custody up to that point) of my boys, so my role as Single Mom has expanded to full-time. Still waiting for it all to be official/final...visitation, child support, THE DIVORCE...but that story is not why we're here.
Single Moms need support & encouragement from other SMs. I've talked to many single moms recently and one of us almost always says, "I'm so glad I'm not the only one that feels like that/who has kids doing that/etc. We need to know there are others having the same sort of issues, the same challenges, and the same happy moments we have. We need to know there are others Rockin' the Single Mom Life. That's why we're here.
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